my overdue valentines entry

Warning: If you haven't seen/read Gone with the Wind or Pride and Prejudice, you might just get the impression that I'm a simpering spinster from reading on. In that case, don't bother ;)

Gone with Mr. Darcy

How coming to terms with Rhett Butler and Fitzwilliam Darcy made me more hopeless than ever.

Disclaimer: Despite the turmoil that has been plaguing the country, I chose to write a light-hearted piece that should've been up last Valentine's Day...let's just say that my spinster-ly tendencies have overriden my latent political activism.

Girl to guy: But I love you.

Guy to girl: Well that is your misfortune.

Harsh, isn't it? These were the lines that Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler exchanged in Gone with the Wind before the famous "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" speech (I'm so hoping to have enough excuse to say that to a guy soon...mwuahahaha). Anyway, to my fortune (or misfortune), I have watched two notable romance films in February, aka love-month: Pride and Prejudice (watched it on DVD 6 times, planning to watch it in the big screen when it is released), and Gone with the Wind (TCM is doing a special on Oscar Best Picture winners). Both films, as most of the romance novels that I've read, got me into thinking (again) on the travails of courtship and love (this coming from a person who never had a remotely serious relationship for 21 years, ahem, since I was born).

I do not want to focus on what "type" of love story I would want in my life, God knows I have read and watched too many types to pick out a favorite among them. Moreso, there have been countless of ways for a love story to develop--we even have technology to aid that along with speed dating. All I know is that from watching these two films, I have devised the "breed" of guy that I want.

Many say that women usually get the guy opposite (though not exactly worse) to what they dream of. And so, I don't know if I'm scorning my future love life (hoping that there's such a thing) for even airing my thoughts. Anyway, since I decided that my type of guy would be a combination of a Rhett Butler and a Darcy, I just realized that my chances of having my "dream" have just slimmed.

Who can be a combination of Butler and Darcy? There must be a reason why these movies are fiction. One might say that they have clashing personalities enough to be consistently in one live, breathing, STRAIGHT male. This is where having a hyperactive imagination becomes a curse, it's enough to say that yeah, it could still be possible. So here's my attempt of meshing these two.

There must be that sense of mystery that surrounds him, enough to make the girl he has "snared" to realize once in a while that there are still aspects about him that she hasn't figured out. Now, it's hard to imagine one these days, probably because the typical stereotype to these figures are the hard core tycoon types who come and go by the office, their lives almost like a closed book. And yet, though they may seem untouchable, it is obviously the women in their lives who are their weaknesses. But although they are their weaknesses, they can still objectively see the complexities of their relationship and what must done to set things right. I can't blame Rhett for leaving Scarlett (who wouldn't? She realized her love too late, apart from their child and best friend dying, there is hardly to derive a happy ending from, although the movie was open-ended), and Darcy had this weird but good sense of timing with his emotions, plus an enormous sense of control.

There is also the pride in their persona which makes it more enjoyable to see it come and go when dealing with their equally prideful counterparts (believe me, I can be too proud for my own good when it comes to relationships). It is also in this that the "spark" enters into the picture. As the actors in P&P aptly put it, there is the "intellectual playfulness" (although there's not too much in Gone with Wind, but there's play nonetheless) and a "marriage of the minds" that occur between the two. I would dearly love to have that. Though it may sound extremely boring, I cannot put up with a guy who is not witty enough to keep up with me. I don't want also someone who just complies with my every whim; I might tear my hair in the process (or in the biblical times, tear their clothes in frustration). It is most fascinating to level up with a guy and "spar" with him once in a while. He does not necessarily have to be a bookworm and hopefully not a geek (smart/slight nerds I can handle, but not geeks), but I also don't want him to be disinterested whenever I gush over a book or rant my economic analyses (the least he can do is to pretend he's interested, hehe).

Possibly the conflicting things about Rhett and Darcy could be that the former is so suave, masks his true feelings by teasing Scarlett, and yet too passionate when he gets riled up. The latter meanwhile is stoic, aloof bordering on the cynical, also masks his feelings, period. Though one can always see the passion in his eyes (key word: SMOLDER). I have absolutely no idea which I prefer more, I think it depends on the situation we're in. But one thing is for certain: they are sure of themselves. Take note, SURE of themselves, not FULL of themselves (I am always disgusted by unwarranted, unbecoming self-praise). Especially with me to be with, one would not survive if he expects me to always build up his confidence, I'm not the needy type either. The guy should be secure enough to be last with me.

Hmmm...yeah I think I'm asking too much, let's just wait and see, although I doubt that these guys do exist (but I hope they do!). I actually pity guys since we females are so fickle on what we want; I suspect that society's demands on the ideal guy are path dependent (you can just see it in the progression of the "hero material" in movies...that could be a good entry in the future :D). As usual one cannot go wrong with just being oneself and let the person understand and accept you for who you are. Nonetheless, what I like about the two movies is the unconventional standing between the two sexes: the guy IS the victim, and the girl is the one stupid enough not to recognize love in the first place. I would love to see that genuinely happen in real life.

***

My Philosophies about Love:
1. It's all right (and not weird) not to have a string of relationships as long as you get that one person that you want in the end.
2. Love comes when you're not looking. (that's why I'm not, hehe)

(yeah this is me, I'm a love passivist, if there's such a thing, I think love should also have these "schools of thought", depending on one's perception on how love can happen)